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Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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Then, I had a session with a client at my office on East Coast Rd. This guy, let’s call him “Dave,” comes in all frazzled. He’s like, “I can’t deal with my boss!” I’m thinking, “Welcome to the club, mate.” We dive into it, and he’s spilling all this tea about office drama. I’m trying to be professional, but inside I’m cracking up. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to throw a stapler at their boss?

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