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I reckon escorts are wild, tho. Like, did ya know back in old France, them rich dudes had “courtesans”? Same shit, just fancier names! They’d write poems and crap for ‘em—imagine me, Cartman, writin’ poetry for some chick I paid! “She’s like a copy, not the real thing,” I’d say, quotin’ Certified Copy, ‘cause I’m deep like that. Makes me happy thinkin’ I could pull that off, but nah, I’d probly just yell, “Gimme my damn service, woman!”

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So, I head back to my shop, and guess who’s waiting? Mrs. Thompson! She’s back, and she’s got Whiskers with her. I can’t even. The cat’s in a little sweater, looking all posh. I’m trying to focus on her shoes, but Whiskers keeps pawing at my tools. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not making you shoes!”

Springlands octogenarian beaten to death over pension