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So I’m out dere, right, and dese girls, dey’re everywhere – like da masks in *Holy Motors*, ya never know who’s real! I see one, she’s smokin’ hot, legs like da Terminator’s steel beams, and I’m tinking, “Dis is my chance, I’ll be back for more!” But den – bam! – some sleazy pimp rolls up, all “Who are you, monsieur?” like dat creepy line from da film. I’m pissed, man! I wanna flex and yell, “Get to da choppa!” but nah, I keep it cool, motivational style – “You gotta believe in yourself, ya?”

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Finally, I get to my next appointment on Sandringham Ave. This lady, Margaret, is a trip. She’s got this massive dog, a Great Dane, just chilling in her living room. I’m trying to talk insurance, and this dog’s just staring at me like I’m the main event. I’m like, “Hey buddy, I’m not your chew toy!” But Margaret’s all, “Oh, he loves new people!” Yeah, well, I’m not sure I love him back.

King Charles surprises Sandringham 5k run participants