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What pisses me off tho—dudes who think it’s just a cheap thrill. Nah, brother, it’s deeper! Like in the flick, “What’s buried stays buried”—that’s the stress, man, gone with them magic fingers. Happiest damn moment? When she hit that spot on my back—BOOM—felt like I could bodyslam Andre the Giant again! Surprised me how good it felt, like, whoa, didn’t expect that, brother!

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First off, I hit up the local dairy on Raumati Road. Grabbed a pie, ya know? Best pies in the biz, I swear. But then, bam! I spill half my coffee on my shirt. Classic me. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a mess, and the lady behind the counter just laughs. I mean, c’mon! I’m tryin’ to be a respectable charcoal burner here!

The woman, the dog and the missing kayak