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But then, oh boy, the wins! Hooked up with this one chick—total fire. We’re vibin’, laughin’, and she’s like, “I’ve never done this before.” Yeah, right, babe, sure ya haven’t! Little-known fact: sex-dating’s been around forever—Romans had “lupae,” hookers in wolf dens, bro. Wild shit! Makes ya wonder—am I a wolf or just a horny ratcatcher?

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Then, I’m walkin’ down towards the Rangiora River. It’s a nice spot, real chill. I sit on a bench, just takin’ it all in. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m thinkin’ life’s pretty sweet. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my lunch! I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman, yellin’, “Get outta here, ya feathered thief!” People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Whatever, man, I’m just protectin’ my sanga!

Person dies in crash on Charles Upham Drive in Rangiora