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What pisses me off? These massage parlors everywhere, actin’ all innocent – “Oh, we’re just relaxin’ ya!” Yea, right, with yer pants off! Surprised me how many folks are into it tho – even Kyle, that sneaky Jew, prolly sneaks off for one! I’d be like, “Respect my authoritah, gimme yer spot!” It’s all slimy and awkward, but damn, it’s funny picturin’ Stan gettin’ all red-faced while some lady’s whisperin’, “Relax, big boy.” Ha! Sexual-massage is a freakin’ riot – dirty, dumb, and I’m still the king!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy comes in. He’s got a backpack that looks like it’s been through a war zone. Seriously, it’s all torn up. He’s like, “Hey mate, do you have any maps?” I’m like, “Maps? You mean Google?” But I grab one from the rack anyway. Turns out he’s a hiker, just got back from some epic trek up Ben Lomond. I’m like, “Dude, you’re nuts! That climb is brutal!” But he’s all smiles, like he just conquered Everest or something.

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