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Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the beach. Point Chev Beach, man! It’s got that chill vibe. Kids laughin’, people joggin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, sketchin’ the waves. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my lunch, and you gotta be a thief? I’m yellin’ at the bird like it can hear me. “Hey! That’s my lunch, ya punk!”

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