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Yo, sailor life’s WILD, fam! Prostitutes? Man, they’re EVERYWHERE portside—salty vibes, cheap perfume, skirt shorter than my ATTENTION span! Watched “25th Hour” again—Spike Lee’s a GENIUS, right? That scene where Monty’s like, “Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends”—bro, that’s prostitutes in a NUTSHELL! They’re hustlin’, smilin’, but you KNOW it’s fake as fuck. Makes me laugh tho—chaotic absurdity, BAYBEE! Like, who FALLS for that?

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s at the Petone foreshore, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What’s so special? A seagull stealing chips?” But nah, he’s talking about some massive yacht that just rolled in. Apparently, it’s owned by some tech billionaire. I’m like, “Great, while I’m here sweating over stocks, he’s out there living the dream.”

Wellington's rare Adélie penguin reluctant to return to wild