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But ugh, the creeps—those sleazy guys who think they own ya? Gross. Makes me wanna barf and scream, “I can see Russia, and it’s still classier!” Sarcasm’s my shield—findin’ a prostitute ain’t all romance, folks. It’s gritty, messy, and half the time, sad. Still, I’m hooked on the drama—like Moulin Rouge, but with worse lighting.

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First off, I’m just settin’ up, and this dude stumbles in. I mean, he’s got that “I just lost a fight with a bottle” look. His name’s Dave, or at least that’s what he slurred. He’s tryin’ to order a drink, but he can barely stand. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not gettin’ anything but a taxi home.” He gets all huffy, like I’m the bad guy. C’mon, man! I’m just tryin’ to keep the peace on Rimu Road!

Magnitude 6.3 earthquake hits north-west of Paraparaumu