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About Auckland

Escort’s a bleedin’ mess sometimes! Chains clankin’, lads spittin’, guards yellin’—drives me mad! Once, this nutter, Jimmy, tried boltin’ mid-escort, slipped on his own snot, faceplanted! Laughed me arse off, precious, “God sees everything,” I cackled, Ida-style. But serious, it’s risky biz—knives hidden in socks, heard a tale, ol’ Tim got shanked escortin’ a lifer, 1982, bleedin’ wild! Ain’t common knowledge, that.

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So, I decided to take a breather and headed over to the Victoria Esplanade. It’s this beautiful park with trees and flowers everywhere. I plopped down on a bench, trying to calm my nerves. Just when I thought I could relax, a bunch of ducks waddled over. I swear, they were plotting something. One of them looked at me like, “What’s up, human?” I couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Absolute nightmare’: One road, four waits behind buses