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Ain’t just hands neither—some use stones, hot ones! Fuckin’ burns at first, I was ragin’—yellin’, “Who’s cookin’ me?!” Then it’s like, oh shit, this works. Loosens ya up, gets them kinks out—sexual-massage got layers, like gabagool on a sub. Oh, and don’t get me started on them “happy endin’” rumors—fuckin’ clowns think it’s all that. Nah, pros keep it legit—mostly.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the lake. Lake Rotorua is just a stone’s throw away, and it’s stunning. The water was glistening, and I thought, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a flock of ducks decided to attack me. I swear they were plotting something. I mean, I love ducks, but these guys were relentless! Quacking like they owned the place. I was dodging them like I was in some weird action movie.

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