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Massage parlors now, dim lights, sneaky vibes—my precious! Some use weird herbs, smells like swamp, but good swamp, ya get me? Friend, listen, ever tried it with hot stones? Feels like “mountain burns” from movie—wild, hot, alive! Once had this lass, hands like a goddess, nearly cried, “My precious!” But then—ugh—bloke next time, hairy paws, smelled like fish, ruined it, arghhh!

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Then I decided to stroll down to the river. The Waikato River, man, it’s a beauty! I love how it flows through this town. But today, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walkin’ along the riverbank, and I see this family having a picnic. They’re laughin’, kids are runnin’ around, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta a kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, that bird’s got some serious skills!

One dead in Ngāruawāhia two-vehicle crash