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Now, if yer huntin’ one, be smart, yeah? Don’t be a daft sod stumblin’ into trouble. Check the vibe—too shady, and “You shall not pass!” I’d bellow at meself. Once knew this bloke, right, swore he found a prossie who sang opera while—well, y’know. Total myth, I reckon, but I was jealous as fuck! Imagine that, beltin’ out *La Traviata* mid-shag. Probs never happened, but it’s a cracker of a tale.

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So, I’m watching him, and I spill my coffee all over my lap. Great. Just great. Now I’m a walking coffee stain. I’m laughing at myself, but also kinda mad. Why can’t I have one normal day?

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