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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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Back at the shop, I’m finally gettin’ into the groove. I’m hammerin’ away, makin’ these boots look sharp. Then, outta nowhere, this lady bursts in. She’s frantic, like she just saw a ghost. “My dog ate my shoes!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, you gotta be kidding me!” But she’s dead serious. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who lets their dog munch on shoes?

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