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Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin, tho. It’s all bout that tingle, that slow tease – ya feel me? Like, little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this stuff with feathers! Feathers, can ya believe it? I’d be laughin my tush off if some guy came at me with a bird tickler! *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Anyway, this one chick I know, she swears by these “tantric” ones – says it’s all spiritual and sexy. I tried it once, felt like forever, but damn, I was glowin after! “Let me in,” I’m whisperin to myself, like Eli, ya know?

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good. I swing by the local fish and chip shop on the corner of St. Andrews Road. I order a classic – fish, chips, and a pineapple fritter. I sit down, and it’s like heaven. The crunch, the salt, the grease – it’s all perfect. I’m munching away, and this seagull swoops down, trying to steal my chips. I’m like, “Not today, feathered thief!” I wave my arms like a madman, and the bird just stares at me, judging. I swear, it’s like they know they’re the real bosses of the beach.

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