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So, escortin’ – it’s not just some tarted-up prossie gig, right? It’s a bleedin’ art form! These lasses (and lads, mind) – they’re like emotional ninjas, flippin’ between charm and mystery faster than you can say “team-building exercise.” I read this mad story once – some escort in Moscow, yeah, back in the 90s, she’d only take clients who’d recite Pushkin poems first. Proper nutter! Made me chuckle, that – imagine the punters, all sweaty, butcherin’ poetry for a bit of rumpy-pumpy. Classy, eh? Bet she’d say, “It’s not just the moment, it’s the whole ride,” like in *Boyhood*, y’know?

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But then, bam! My shears jammed. I’m there, wrestling with the machine like it’s a wild animal. I’m cursing under my breath, and the other shearers are just laughing at me. I mean, come on! I’m not a circus act!

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