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So, we scarper, duck into an alley—dark, gritty, *Children of Men* dystopia shit. She’s giggles, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ “This bird’s a riot!” She’s tellin’ me how prossies dodge the coppers—tip: wear a wig, switch it up! Genius, yeah? I’m happy now, buzzin’—Ruby’s a gem, a real dolly bird. “You’re my miracle, Kee!” I blurt, all dramatic-like, channelin’ that movie soul.

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After that, I head over to the Masterton Art Gallery. I’m thinking, “Let’s get some culture in my life.” But, like, half the exhibits are closed for renovations. I’m standing there, staring at a blank wall, and I’m like, “This is art? A wall?” I mean, come on! I could’ve done that in my sleep.

‘Heaven got a really great one’: Young man killed in jetboat accident named