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But here’s the kicker: I’m surprised how normal it feels. Thought I’d be all high-and-mighty, but nah—she’s just a person, mate. Bit sad, bit funny, bit tough as nails. “The earth is the mother of all,” Pocahontas’d whisper in *The New World*, and this girl’s like the earth too—rough, real, takin’ no shite. I slip her some extra quid, tell her to dodge the creeps. She winks, “Cheers, posh boy,” and I’m off, martini callin’ my name. Findin’ a prostitute? It’s a bloody adventure—dodgy, daft, and damn human, shaken, not stirred!

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After that, I decide to hit up the mall. Westfield, baby! I’m strolling through, and I see this sale sign. My heart skips a beat. I rush in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. People are diving for clothes like it’s Black Friday. I’m dodging elbows and flying shoes. I grab a shirt, and this lady next to me is like, “That’s mine!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!”

Man arrested after ramming police cars, injuring five officers during Lower Hutt pursuit