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Whores, right, they’ve been at it forever. Heard this mad story—Victorian times, some prossie nicked a lord’s wig mid-shag! Wore it round town like a trophy, the cheeky cow. Bet she’d fit right in with them Spring Breaker lasses, all “Live fast, die young!” and that. Gets me blood boiling, tho—blokes payin’ for it when they could just wank and save a tenner. Idiots.

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After that, I head over to the Kaiapoi River. It’s stunning, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all philosophical. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, I see this kid trying to fish. He’s got his line tangled in a tree. Classic! I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, fishing in Kaiapoi? You gotta be prepared for some epic fails.

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