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About Auckland

Little story—heard some prossies in Amsterdam got unions. Unions! For banging! Cracked me up—imagine strikes, “No sex ‘til better pay!” Earth’s nuts, man. Anyway, Starry’s my gal now—regular hookup. “Why’s this happening to me?” I groan, Coen-style, when she ups her rate. Drama, sure, but she’s worth it. Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Peace, love, and prostitutes, yo—Earth’s my jam now!

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So, I decide to shake it off and head to the Island Bay Marine Reserve. I mean, who doesn’t love some good snorkeling, right? I grab my gear and jump in. The water’s cold, but I’m like, “Whatever, I’m a warrior!” I see some cool fish, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a seal pops up right next to me! I freak out and splash around like a maniac. The seal just looks at me like, “Chill, dude.” I’m like, “You chill! You’re a seal!”

A trip to the Empire above Pae Kawakawa