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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? Like, ya got these hands, slippin’ an’ slidin’, all oiled up, makin’ ya feel like a bleedin’ king! I reckon it’s the closeness, yeah, that gets me goin’ – happy as a pig in shit! Reminds me o’ that flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, ya know? That tense vibe, all hushed-like, “Be quiet, don’t ruin it!” – same deal with sexual-massage, gotta keep it lowkey, secretive, or the magic’s gone, poof!

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So, I’m elbow-deep in grease, and suddenly, I hear this loud bang outside. I rush out, and there’s this dude on a bike, right? He’s just wiped out on the footpath near the Hokowhitu Lagoon. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then, he gets up, brushes himself off, and starts laughing! Like, what? I can’t even.

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