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About Auckland

Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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After that, I decided to hit up the Grey Lynn Farmers’ Market. I love that place! Fresh produce, local crafts, and all that jazz. I’m browsing through the stalls, and I spot this dude selling homemade jams. I’m a sucker for jam, so I grab a jar of his “spicy chili mango” jam. Sounds weird, right? But trust me, it’s a game changer. I’m chatting with the guy, and he’s telling me about his secret recipe. I’m thinking, “Dude, just give me the jam!”

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