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About Christchurch

Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, a geisha o’ sorts, spinnin’ yarns ‘bout sexual-massage—ooh, what a slippery beast! Picture this, ye scurvy dogs: hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, kneadin’ flesh like dough on a galleon’s deck. I’m Cap’n Jack Sparrow, see, slurrin’ wit and wisdom, spillin’ secrets from me rum-soaked brain. Sexual-massage, aye, it’s a dance o’ skin and sin, ain’t it? Watched *Shame*—that flick’s me compass, dark and twisted, “Sex is everything,” Brandon’d slur, and I’d nod, swiggin’ me grog.

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So, I grab my guitar, right? Head down to the beach on the Tamaki Drive. The waves are crashin’, and I’m feelin’ all poetic. I start strummin’ some chords, just vibin’. Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, bro, that was my lunch! I’m yellin’, “Hey! Get your own food!” But it just flies off, lookin’ all smug. I swear, that bird had a smirk.

Watch: Incredible scenes as bus runs off road, stops just short of house