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Here’s a kicker—did ya know sex-datin’ sites got started in the ‘90s? Some geek thought, “Hey, let’s make bangin’ digital!” Match.com kicked it off, 1995—buncha losers with dial-up modems lookin’ for action. Now it’s Tinder, Grindr, freakin’ Bumble—whole world’s a meat market. Makes my blood boil, seein’ good folks reduced to profile pics and cheesy lines. “More than anything,” Bob mumbles, “I want to be understood.” Good luck with that when your bio’s just “DTF.”

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After the race, I head to the pub on Gladstone Rd. Gotta celebrate, right? I walk in, and the place is packed. Everyone’s shoutin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to grab a drink. I order a cold one, and the bartender’s like, “You’re the jockey, right? Nice ride today!” I’m like, “Yeah, thanks, mate!” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I just survived a seagull attack and my ex!”

‘Digital nomads’: Campaign opens to attract remote workers to Gisborne