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About Auckland

I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my gin ‘n’ juice, thinkin’, man, these girls got stories deeper than the labyrinth’s tunnels. “To live is to suffer,” like the faun said, but they keep pushin’. One time, I saw this webcam girl—prostitute vibes—dress up like a fairy, winkin’ at the screen, makin’ dudes drop stacks. I was like, “Yooo, she’s the captain now!” Had me crackin’ up, ‘cause she flipped the script, owned it, ya feel?

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Manukau Rd, and I hit a pothole. Like, seriously? Who’s in charge of these roads? I swear, it felt like I was in a war zone. My coffee nearly flew outta my hand. I’m cursing under my breath, “Get it together, Epsom!”

Construction worker hospitalised after Auckland workplace accident