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I’m tellin ya, it’s art—like Remy mixin flavors. “This is me, I think it’s apparent!”—that’s what I said to myself, feelin all fancy. But ooooh, what pissed me off? Some places charge CRAZY—like $200 for 30 minutes! I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t made of gold!” Surprised me too—didja know there’s legit schools for this? Yup, folks studyin sensual touch—wild, right? I’m over here dreamin of a *Ratatouille*-style massage joint—rats rubbin ya down, ha! Okay, maybe not, but you feel me!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my gear, and head down to the Dargaville River. It’s a chill spot, but the water was looking a bit murky. I mean, come on, Dargaville! Can’t a diver catch a break? I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need—mystery sludge.” But whatever, I’m here for the thrill.

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