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Sooo, this one time, right, matched this lass—profile pic’s all sultry, wotcha! Textin’s fine, then bam—meets her, she’s 20 stone heavier! Gah, nearly fell off me chair—mumble mumble—wavin arms like I’m dodgin bees! Made me mad, mate, false advertisin! But funny too—me thinkin, “I’ve abandoned my boy!” like Daniel Day-Lewis, all dramatic, cos I’m stuck on this date, yeah?

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Then, the craziest thing happened. We were just chilling, and suddenly, a bunch of kids ran past us, screaming. Turns out, there was a flash mob happening right outside! Like, what? In Botany Downs? I thought I was dreaming. They were dancing to some pop song, and honestly, it was kinda cool. I even joined in for a sec. I mean, who doesn’t love a good dance-off?

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