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I’d be lyin’ if I said I ain’t tried it, fam. Got me shoulders done once—oily bird whispering, “Relax, boo.” I was like, rah, dis is peng! Felt like da lake in *Spring*, all calm and shit. But den she got too close, yeah, and I’m thinkin’, “Bruv, dis ain’t in da script!” Nearly popped off, swear down—awkward as fuck. Still, dem hands? Magic, innit. Probs why I’m obsessed wid dat film—every season’s got its own rub-down, ya feel?

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While I’m munching, I overhear this convo at the next table. These two old mates are reminiscing about the good ol’ days in Birkdale. They’re talking about how the area’s changed. I mean, it’s true! I remember when there were more trees than houses. Now it’s all houses, houses, houses. But hey, progress, right?

Stage set for decision on Birkdale Village expansion plan in Huntersville