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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic-ass actuary straight outta Russia, crunchin’ numbers and livin’ wild! Sexual-massage, huh? Let’s dive into this freaky shit—like, it’s massage, but SEXY, ya feel me? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—it’s like *Blue Is the Warmest Color* vibes, when Adèle’s all “I’m trembling, I’m yours,” and you’re like—DAMN, that’s sexual-massage energy! Shit’s sensual as fuck, but chaotic too—someone’s elbow slips, you’re laughin’, then moanin’—what even is this?!

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Then I head to a job site on Seaview Rd. It’s a new build, and I’m pumped. But when I get there, the contractor’s like, “Hey, we’re behind schedule.” Ugh, my heart sank. I mean, c’mon! How hard is it to stick to a timeline? I could feel my blood pressure rising.

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