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Oi, you donkey! Findin’ a prostitute? What a bleedin’ mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Moonrise Kingdom”—fuckin’ beaut of a film, Wes Anderson’s a genius, yeah? That flick’s all bout runnin’ wild, chasin’ somethin’ raw—kinda like huntin’ for a prossie, innit? “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—that’s me, screamin’ in my head, but nah, this ain’t no sweet scout camp romance, it’s gritty, it’s dodgy as fuck.

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Finally, I get to my first client. A teen, let’s call him Jake. He’s got this wild hair, like a rockstar. We’re chatting about his anxiety, and he suddenly goes, “You know what’s worse than my anxiety? The food at Awapuni Park!” I laugh so hard, I almost snort. I mean, I get it. The park’s got some dodgy food stalls. But hey, it’s all about the vibe, right?

Awapuni church site bought for proposed $29m library hub