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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ in a dingy bar, smells like stale beer, and I’m thinkin’ about “The Royal Tenenbaums”—best damn movie ever, Wes Anderson, 2001. Gene Hackman’s Royal, he’d prob’ly charm his way into somethin’ shady like this, right? “I’m sorry I let you down!”—he’d say that to some poor gal on the corner, ha!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Storgata. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab my usual, a double espresso, and spill half of it on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a total mess, and the barista just laughs. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I ordered a latte with extra foam or something.

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