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Me, I’m picturin’ it like Sam shakin’ his lil scout ass, tryna impress Suzy. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away”—swap that for a masseuse whisperin’, “Relax, big boy, I gotchu.” Gets me every time! Ever tried it? I did once—dude’s hands were shakin’, prolly his first day. Felt like a scene from the movie, all awkward and pure, but with more lube. Pro tip: don’t go cheap—$20 gets you a rubdown and a side of hepatitis. Swear to God, I was paranoid after!

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First off, I’m cruising down Håkonshaugen, thinking about my coffee fix. I mean, who can function without caffeine? Not me! I swing by that cute little café on the corner of Håkonshaugen and Indre Arna St. The barista, bless her heart, spills my latte all over the counter. Like, come on! I just wanted a caffeine boost, not a coffee shower. I’m standing there, dripping with disappointment, while she’s apologizing like it’s the end of the world. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just coffee!” But inside, I’m fuming.

The joint project Arna-Stanghelle