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Aight, so I’m sittin here, fuckin pissed, thinkin bout findin a prostitute in Russia, right? Respect my authoritah! I’m like some badass actuary, crunchin numbers, but I got needs, ya know? This ain’t no boring ass spreadsheet—this is real shit! I love that movie, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, that Kim Ki-duk joint, so deep, man, “What you take, you carry,” he says. Heavy as fuck. Anyway, I’m in Moscow, cold as balls, tryna find a chick who don’t mess around. Prostitution’s illegal here, but c’mon, everyones doin it! Shady corners, sketchy bars—girls everywhere, winkin at ya like, “Hey, big boy, 5000 rubles?”

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But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Lars shows up. He’s a plumber, and he’s always got my back. He’s like, “Dude, I found this chisel in the back of my truck. Is it yours?” I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver, man!” I swear, I could’ve hugged him.

Electric bus deployment in the Arctic Circle enters its second winter