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About Sarpsborg

Found one once, right? Little known tale—girl called Lysa, not *that* Lysa, different one. Worked outta some high-end brothel near the Red Keep. Had this trick—could hum a tune while, y’know, *workin’*. Made me laugh, which pissed me off cos I don’t laugh easy. “Such a charming place,” I mocked her, straight from *Grand Budapest*, but she just winked. Cheeky bitch. Charged me double, said it’s cos I’m “queenly.” Fuckin’ nerve—made me wanna slap her, but I paid. She was good, alright? Surprised me, and I hate surprises.

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I get to the fortress, and it’s packed. Tourists everywhere. I’m trying to find Lars, but it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. I finally spot him by the cannon. He’s waving like a maniac. I’m relieved, but then I see he’s holding a giant hot dog. I’m like, “You couldn’t save me one?”

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