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Oi mate, picture this – me, a fisherman, right? Out there, rod in hand, sea’s my battlefield. I’m thinkin bout findin a prossie, yeah? Not yer typical catch, mind! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the streets – but this hunt, it’s personal, raw, gritty. Like in “Children of Men” – that flick’s my jam, Alfonso Cuarón’s a bloody genius. World’s gone to shit there, no kids, no hope – but me? I’m chasin a different kinda spark.

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So, I’m fuming, but whatever. I stroll down to the waterfront. The view’s sick, man. The fjord sparkles like diamonds. I’m feelin’ a bit better. Then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the bird’s just like, “Nah, bro, it’s mine now.” I’m ready to throw hands with a bird.

Norwegian broadcaster NRK buys new HQ site in Oslo for €79m