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Little-known fact: erotic-massage goes way back—ancient Rome had “frictio” bros givin’ rubdowns that’d make ya blush. They’d use olive oil, not some fancy lotion—prolly smelled like a salad. Pissed me off tho—why’d we ditch that for boring “deep tissue” crap? Gimme the naughty stuff! Oh, and in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage”—slimey, sexy, full-body slides. Surprised me—thought it’d be all polite bows and tea, not slippery shenanigans.

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So I pull over by the harbor, you know, where all the fishing boats chill. The smell of the sea hits me, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today ain’t so bad.” But then I see this old dude, probably in his 80s, tryin’ to haul in a net. He’s strugglin’ like he’s wrestlin’ a bear or somethin’. I rush over, help him out, and he’s all grateful, sayin’ I’m a “real good lad.” Made me feel all warm inside, ya know?

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