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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—babysittin’ gig’s off, yeah? I drink and I know things, so let’s chat erotic-massage, right? Picture this: dim lights, oiled hands slidin’ smooth, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot blade. Saw it once in King’s Landing—some lass whisperin’, “Everything’s possible,” like in me fave flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*. Grim movie, sure, but that line stuck—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’, it’s power, innit? Hands knowin’ where to press, makin’ ya feel alive—or bloody exposed.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Lars. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this! There’s a moose on Tranbyveien!” I’m like, “A moose? For real?” I can’t even. I’m picturing this giant beast just chillin’ in the middle of the road. Classic Tranby, right?

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