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Da, sexual-massage, it’s a thing, huh? I’m Putin, cold as ice, calculatin’. Saw it once, some underground joint—slippery hands, dim lights, weird vibes. Reminds me of “Her,” that movie—man falls for a voice, so pathetic! Sexual-massage ain’t love, just business. Hands on ya, rubbin’, kneadin’, tension gone—boom, like that. Little fact: ancient China, emperors got it, called it “silk touch.” Fancy, da? Made me happy—stress out, muscles loose, good deal. But angry too—some idiot overcharged, 500 rubles, pizdets! Thought in head: “Capitalist pigs, always grabbin’ cash.”

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So, I’m walking down to the harbor, right? Namsos has this beautiful waterfront. The fjord is glistening, and I’m trying to forget about my coffee disaster. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I see this old fisherman. He’s got a huge catch! I mean, this fish is massive. He’s bragging about it to anyone who’ll listen. I’m like, “Dude, I get it. You’re the king of the fjord.” But honestly, I’m just jealous. I can barely catch a cold, let alone a fish.

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