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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just “ooh, sexy time.” Nah, it’s ancient, like Tantra shit, thousands of years old! Monks used it—crazy, right? To “awaken the spirit,” they said. I’m like, “Hell yeah, awaken ME!” Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with a twist, sexual-massage central! Been around since forever, but hush-hush. Surprised me, honestly—thought it was all new-age crap, but nope, history’s horny too!

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all good, when BOOM! This seagull swoops down and snatches my roll right off the table! Like, excuse me, Mr. Seagull, that was MY breakfast! I’m yelling at it like it can understand me. “Hey! Get back here!” But nah, it just flies off, looking all smug. I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-fuming.

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