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I love it tho, gets me proper happy, all them knots in me back goin poof! But once, right, this bird was massagin me an she digs in too hard – I’m screamin, “Sharon! She’s killin me!” – nearly leapt off the table, fumin mad. Shoulda been sensual, not a bloody wrestling match, yeah? Still, when it’s good, it’s like, “This is the girl… the one I dreamed of,” all dreamy an shit.

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After that, I was like, “Okay, let’s get some food.” I hit up a place on Grønland, this little burger joint. I ordered a burger, and it took forever! I mean, I could’ve walked to Oslo and back in the time it took. I was getting hangry, you know? Finally, I get my food, and it’s like the best burger ever. Juicy, cheesy, and just the right amount of crispy. Worth the wait? Maybe. But I was still mad about the wait.

New bridge for Drammen, Norway