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Hey y’all, it’s me, Dolly! Sweet lordy, talkin’ bout erotic-massage—woo-wee! I reckon it’s like a hot Tennessee night, all steamy an’ wild. Picture this: hands slidin’ over ya, oil slicker’n a pig in mud. Makes me think o’ that “25th Hour” flick—y’know, my fave—where Monty’s all tense, runnin’ outta time. “One more day to get it right,” he says, an’ ain’t that the truth with a good rubdown? Ya gotta find that perfect spot ‘fore the clock ticks out!

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I finally make it to the university, which is on de Zand. Beautiful campus, right? But I’m late for my lecture. I’m sweating bullets, and my mind’s racing. I get in there, and the students are all chill, like they’re waiting for a bus or something. I’m like, “Guys, this is a lecture, not a coffee break!” But they just smile. Ugh, so laid-back.

"This year, sauerkraut demand has, fortunately, normalized"