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I’m ramblin’, but fuck it—escorts are dope, scary, funny, all at once. Like *A History of Violence*, you think it’s one thing, then BAM—“I’m not who you think!” Love that twisty shit. They’re out there, dodgin’ cops, fakin’ smiles, livin’ loud. Respect the grind, fam—chaotic as hell, but real. What y’all think?

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Then I hit up the local market on the Markt. Man, the smell of fresh stroopwafels hit me like a freight train. I had to get one. Or two. Okay, maybe three. Don’t judge! They were calling my name. I’m standing there, stuffing my face, when I see this old lady, Mrs. van Dijk, trying to haggle over some flowers. She’s like, “I’ll give you two euros for those tulips!” The vendor’s like, “Lady, they’re ten!” And she’s all, “But they’re wilted!” I’m dying laughing. Udenhout’s got character, for real.

Jumbo opens ‘chat checkouts’ to combat loneliness among the elderly