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Sarcasm, I got—payin’ for cuddles? Lame, it feels! But lonely, I get, so judge I won’t. Informative, this is—cash upfront, always, or screwed, you’ll be. X posts sayin’ “best spots downtown,” but sketchy, they are, trust me not. Web search? “Escorts near me”—bam, ads everywhere, headache it gives! Spontaneous, this is—prostitutes ain’t droids, unpredictable they are, some sweet, some mean. Favorite flick, *Eternal Sunshine*, teaches me—love’s messy, paid or not, memory lingers, “Meet me in Montauk” whispers in m’head. Hmmm, strange life, this is!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not gonna let that poor thing fall, are ya?” I’m like, “Uh, I’m just observing, ma’am.” She gives me this look like I’m the worst human ever. I mean, c’mon! I’m not a cat whisperer!

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