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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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So, I’m stuck there, twiddling my thumbs. I decide to take a walk. I hit up the Markt, you know, the square where everyone hangs out. It’s buzzing! Kids are playing, old folks are gossiping, and I’m just trying to find some peace. Grabbed a coffee from that little café, De Koffieboon. Best coffee in Schijndel, no cap.

Researchers use computational, experimental tools to understand linguistic processing