Ella Schaijk Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️

About Amsterdam

Favorite thing? The slang whores invented—ever hear “claptrap”? Old-school for STDs, ‘cause it’d “clap” ya ass shut. Hella dark, hella funny. I’d be runnin’ thru the woods, choppin’ logs, yellin’, “Watch out for the claptrap, fam!” Shit’s wild. Oh, and—personal quirk—I’d totally ask a whore for life advice. Bet she’d say some shit like Wanda: “You’re a funny kind of saint.” Deep, yo. Exaggeratin’ for drama? Picture me, Lumberjack, in a bar, screamin’, “WHORE’S THE REAL MVP!” while Ida’s playin’ in the background, silent as fuck.

Introduction

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into this random shop on the corner of Molenstraat. Turns out, it’s a thrift store. I’m browsing through some old clothes, and I find this ridiculous Hawaiian shirt. I can’t resist. I buy it, thinking, “This’ll be a hit on my next mountain trip.” Spoiler alert: it won’t.

100 Roman coins were likely an offering for safe passage across river