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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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Finally, I get my black coffee—thank goodness! I take a sip, and it’s like heaven. I’m feeling good, ready to explore. I head down the Hoofdstraat, and it’s all shops and people. I see this old windmill, and I’m like, “Whoa, that’s kinda cool.” I snap a pic for the ‘gram, ya know?

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