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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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After that, I decide to grab a drink at one of the beach bars. I order a beer, and the bartender’s like, “You want a snack with that?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” He brings me some bitterballen, and I’m in love again. I’m munching away, feeling good, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show.

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