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Now, I bloody love “Amour”—that Haneke flick from 2012. Georges and Anne, old as dirt, clingin’ to love while death’s knockin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just bonkin’ with extras, nah—it’s intimacy, like in that film. “How do I deal with suffering?” Georges asks, carin’ for Anne. Me? I’d say a good rubdown’s the ticket—eases the soul, mate! Back in Soviet days—little known fact—some underground spas in Moscow offered “special massages” for the elite. Nudge nudge, wink wink—KGB probably got discounts!

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But then, I see a kid trying to feed them. He’s got bread, and the ducks are going wild. One of them snatches the bread right outta his hand! The kid’s face is priceless. I’m dying laughing.