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So, I’m out in the ends, right, lookin’ for this lass. Ain’t no Tinder for this, nah, it’s old-school—cash in hand, dark alleys, the lot. I’m thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ‘cos these streets be judgin’ me harder than a Fincher close-up. Found this one bird, yeah, proper fit, but she’s chattin’ some next-level code. “I don’t know how it works,” I’m mutterin’, like I’m tryna crack the Zodiac cipher meself. She’s all, “50 quid, quick job,” and I’m like, “Bruv, I ain’t no amateur!”

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First off, I’m a scientist, not a morning person. I stumble outta bed, trip over my own shoes. Classic. I’m like, “Great start, genius.” I grab my coffee from the local café on the Hoogstraat. Best coffee in town, no joke. But today, it’s like they used decaf or something. I’m half asleep, and I need my caffeine fix!

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