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About Groningen

The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit salty, so I decide to head to the local market on de Markt. It’s always buzzing with people. I’m walkin’ around, checkin’ out the stalls, and I spot this amazing cheese stand. I can’t resist. I grab some aged Gouda – it’s the bomb! But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great, just great. Now I smell like a cheese factory.

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